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Mutuality Matters, How You Can Create More Opportunity, Adventure & Friendship With Others

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  • By Kare Anderson
  • Author, Say it Better Center, Moving From Me To We blog
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Overview

More than money, talent, or your number of contacts, your capacity to create mutuality with others can transform you into a sought-after Opportunity Maker with whom people most want to align. Be the glue that sticks the right teams together to solve problems or seize opportunities sooner and better together. Discover the key behaviors that enable you to accomplish greater things with others than you can on your own -- and savor success together.

In this book you’ll learn: 

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• Over 40 specific ways to forge mutually beneficial relationships, as an individual or an organization
• How to speak, write, move and appear to pull others closer and be frequently-quoted
• Ways to turn friction and even attacks into opportunities to attract more allies and elevate the behavior of those around you
• How to find and recruit the unexpected allies, and craft the optimal situation for your message to gain credibility, clout and media coverage

This once “phobically shy” stutterer-turned Emmy-winning NBC and Wall Street Journal reporter and TED@IBM and TEDx presenter knows, first-hand, what it feels like to be ignored, patronized and belittled. Those experiences motivated her translate behavioral research into ways to bring out others’ better side to use best talents together.

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Table of Contents

1. Why Re-Set Your Life Toward a Mutuality Mindset?

2. Step Into the Adventure Story You Are Truly

3. Always Seek to Bring Out Their Better Side

4. Make More Friendship, Adventure, Accomplishment and Meaning in Your Life

5. Be the Glue That Bonds Us Together

6. See Soft Ways to Make Strong Connections

Bonus Opportunities

7. Be Quoted in the Next Edition of This Book?

8. Jumpstart Your Mutuality Mindset by Socially Sharing Favorite Quotes

9. Moving Through Your Year Into Deeper Mutuality: 52 Sayings for Weekly Practice With Others

10. More Resources for Mutuality Matters

11. About the Author, Kare Anderson

12. About the Illustrator, Rebecca Shapiro

13. Sayings From Friends’ Books That May Move You Too

Chapter 1 Excerpt

Why Re-Set Your Life Towards a Mutuality Mindset?

Who Are You Becoming?

After winning several music awards one year, Carlos Santana was asked by an eager young entertainment reporter, how he felt about “this belated recognition after so many years as a professional musician.” In an apparent non sequitur, Santana smiled warmly and replied, “I am becoming the people I love,” to which the reporter responded, “But what does that have to do with the awards?” Santana explained, “To a greater degree over time, these friends, musical or not, seem to infuse my music and my life. And my friends say the same has happening to them.” Then, looking gently at the reporter, Santana asked, “Have you had that gratifying feeling of mutuality?”

Hint: Becoming ever more deeply connected with those you admire and love bolsters, in you, the traits you most admire in them.
With whom do you spend the most time these days?
Have those shared experiences enabled you to:
• Do what you are most passionate about more often?
• Use your best talents with others who are too?
• Be sought-after by those who appreciate your passions and talents?
• Enjoy a life that’s adventuresome, accomplished and meaningful?
• Feel a gratifying sense of friendship and belonging?

Would they say the same about being with you?
In our increasingly complex, yet connected world, those who cultivate a mutuality mindset are the lucky ones most likely to succeed and savor their lives with others.

Remember the many compartments of the heart, the seed of what is possible. So much of who we are is defined by the places we hold for each other. For it is not our ingenuity that sets us apart, but our capacity for love, the possibility our way will be lit by grace.
Our hearts prisms, chiseling out the colors of pure light

Tip: Whatever most captures your attention most controls your life.

Ready to redefine your life around mutuality?
Though I still sometimes stumble on this path toward living a mutuality mindset, it remains my core belief. It is the single most nourishing, life-changing behavior I’ve found. Looking back on life so far, aren’t your most positively indelible memories those where you accomplished something remarkable with others?

If Even I Can Find a Way to Mutuality, You Surely Can

Why do I believe this? Growing up I was a stutterer, once diagnosed as “phobically shy” yet I was simply trying to why people did what they did. Feeling an odd duck, I could not only not figure out how make conversation, let alone make friends. Over time, I’ve come to realize that many others, perhaps you too, have an insatiable desire to really connect, yet hesitant as to exactly how.

The Back Story That Pulled Me Forward Toward Mutuality

Why do I believe this? Growing up I was a stutterer, once diagnosed as “phobically shy” yet I was simply trying to why people did what they did. Feeling an odd duck, I could not only not figure out how make conversation, let alone make friends. Over time, I’ve come to realize that many others, perhaps you too, have an insatiable desire to really connect, yet hesitant as to exactly how.

I may have become a journalist because it gave me the perfect excuse to ask questions. In so doing, I discovered how most people really want to tell their story. From thousands of interviews as a reporter for The Sacramento Bee, then the Wall Street Journal, and finally for NBC, I realized how often those I interviewed had trouble hearing the questions I asked, as they were so preoccupied with what they wanted to get across. Some didn’t even investigate in advance or ask about the kind of stories I covered. In brief, few bothered to consider, in advance, what would be the best story to give me that matched the kind of stories I was hired to cover – and would further their goals.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Kare Anderson

Kare Anderson is the CEO of Say It Better Center and an Emmy-winning former NBC and Wall Street Journal reporter who translates behavioral research into ways to become more deeply connected and widely quoted. She is a TED@IBM and TEDx speaker who has presented in 18 countries. Her clients are as diverse as Novartis, The Skoll Foundation, Salesforce, and Nordstrom. Anderson was a founding board mem...

Kare Anderson is the CEO of Say It Better Center and an Emmy-winning former NBC and Wall Street Journal reporter who translates behavioral research into ways to become more deeply connected and widely quoted. She is a TED@IBM and TEDx speaker who has presented in 18 countries. Her clients are as diverse as Novartis, The Skoll Foundation, Salesforce, and Nordstrom. Anderson was a founding board member of Annie’s Homegrown, and sits on several boards, including Gloopt, Raynforest, Watermark, and TEDx Marin. She has provided quotability coaching to elected officials, pro athletes, and CEOs. Anderson currently writes for Forbes and The Huffington Post. She is the author of Moving from Me to We, Resolving Conflict Sooner, Walk Your Talk, and Getting What You Want. As David Rockefeller Jr. said after hearing her speak, “Kare forever changes how you see yourself and your world.” Discover more about Kare Anderson at Say It Better and Moving from Me to We.

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