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Mutuality Matters More, Living a Happy, Meaningful and Satisfying Life With Others

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  • By Kare Anderson
  • Author, Say it Better Center, Moving From Me To We blog
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Overview

Now that you’ve read Mutuality Matters: How You Can Create More Opportunity, Adventure & Friendship With Others, I trust you are primed to experience increased camaraderie and collective clout in more ways and situations in this second, companion book.
From the first book you learned:

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1. Why Re-Set Your Life Toward a Mutuality Mindset?

2. Step Into the Adventure Story You Are Truly Meant to Live –With Us

3. Always Seek to Bring Out Their Better Side

4. Make More Friendship, Adventure, Accomplishment and Meaning in Your Life

5. Be the Glue That Bonds Us Together

6. See Soft Ways to Make Strong Connections

In this book, you’ll discover proven mutuality-based methods and systems that enable you to have an even bigger impact on what most matters to you in any part of your life.

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Table of Contents

1. The Higher the Tech, the Higher the Touch We Crave

2. Nudge Us to Do Better Together

3. Pull Us Towards Wanting it Too

4. Instill Bragging Rights That Boost Participation and Sharing

5. Cultivate an Us Attitude for Us

6. Share in Mutually Beneficial Ways

Bonus Opportunities

7. Be Quoted in the Next Edition of This Book?

8. Jumpstart Your Mutuality Mindset by Socially Sharing Favorite Quotes

9. Moving Through Your Year Into Deeper Mutuality: 52 Sayings for Weekly Practice With Others

10. More Resources for Mutuality Matters

11. About the Author, Kare Anderson

12. About the Illustrator, Rebecca Shapiro

13. Sayings From Friends’ Books That May Move You Too

Chapter 1 Excerpt

Sure, the proliferation of apps is making our lives better in many ways, yet nothing lifts our spirits like feeling the camaraderie you evoke when around others, even strangers, it seems. That experience has no app – just you, in person, making the first move toward connecting.

Warm Us Up When Together
Early in my work life I was sometimes surprised to see how some people were promoted faster than others who worked harder and seemed more diligent, as I was raised to do. Now I see why this happens. The surprise, for me, was that research shows you are most likely to look trustworthy to others and be liked if you first exhibit warmth and then competence, not the reverse. Our Danish family emphasized diligent work; thus competence was most apparent upfront. Yet we are hardwired to respond first to visible warmth from others and can feel coolness in them when they are simply demonstrating competence, even when intending to be helpful.
We most admire those who exude the right balance of strength and warmth, even though the notion runs counter to Machiavelli’s famous view that “It is better to be feared than loved if you cannot be both.” Like to learn how? If you’re a woman or a person of color, this capacity is especially vital, according to Compelling People co-authors John Neffinger and Matthew Kohut. Attempting to first show competence can actually cut you off from others, they found. Harvard researcher Amy Cuddy came to the same conclusion and advocate open body styles to visibly demonstrate warmth.

How Do Leaders Rate on the Warmth/Strength Scale?
Enter a well-known person’s name in the search box. Then you can rate that public figure’s combination of strength and warmth and also see their overall rating.
• Strength: Skill and will
• Warmth: Shared concerns or interests

Emotions are contagious, especially when we are face-to-face with others rather than virtually. First demonstrate warmth and then competence because “we are highly sensitive to warmth and its absence,” according to Chris Malone and Susan T. Fiske, authors of The Human Brand. You are judged for your trustworthiness within an eye blink of someone’s seeing your face. About two eye blinks later, others decide on your level of competence, according to Janine Willis and Alexander Todorov.

When first meeting or re-meeting people, consider in advance what you most like and admire about each person. Make that thought top-of-mind when you first see them. Also, if your team is meeting with others, or co-presenting, meet in advance to share out loud those traits you admire in those whom you will be seeing. That way you increase the chances of warming them up to you, to your team and to each other. That fuels fueling a virtuous circle of mutually reinforcing good will.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Kare Anderson

Kare Anderson is the CEO of Say It Better Center and an Emmy-winning former NBC and Wall Street Journal reporter who translates behavioral research into ways to become more deeply connected and widely quoted. She is a TED@IBM and TEDx speaker who has presented in 18 countries. Her clients are as diverse as Novartis, The Skoll Foundation, Salesforce, and Nordstrom. Anderson was a founding board mem...

Kare Anderson is the CEO of Say It Better Center and an Emmy-winning former NBC and Wall Street Journal reporter who translates behavioral research into ways to become more deeply connected and widely quoted. She is a TED@IBM and TEDx speaker who has presented in 18 countries. Her clients are as diverse as Novartis, The Skoll Foundation, Salesforce, and Nordstrom. Anderson was a founding board member of Annie’s Homegrown, and sits on several boards, including Gloopt, Raynforest, Watermark, and TEDx Marin. She has provided quotability coaching to elected officials, pro athletes, and CEOs. Anderson currently writes for Forbes and The Huffington Post. She is the author of Moving from Me to We, Resolving Conflict Sooner, Walk Your Talk, and Getting What You Want. As David Rockefeller Jr. said after hearing her speak, “Kare forever changes how you see yourself and your world.” Discover more about Kare Anderson at Say It Better and Moving from Me to We.

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